Models, Stylists, catch-up, oh-my!

So it’s been a while since I’ve posted here, and I apologize. Life has been a trifle bit hectic and I just realized I never even posted about the season finale of America’s Next Top Model. So, let’s dive right in.

ANTM: Sigh, big surprise, it came down to McKey and someone else. Even bigger surprise? McKey won. (Can you sense the sarcasm?) Yes, I get that she has a unique look, and yes, I get that she’s the only one who has been fairly consistent throughout the show, but I can’t help but want someone else to win. Anyone else to win. Ok, maybe not anyone else– but you get the idea.

I think the part of the show that really irked me was the fact that at the end, they threw in the fact that she’s been modeling for years. I suppose it’s my own naivety to think that all of these girls are relative rookies and have little to no formal training as models (I prefer to think of all “reality TV” contestants as “raw” as opposed to what they really are– pseudo-actors), but I felt especially duped to find out about McKey’s training in the final moments of the FINAL episode of the season. Way to try to sway your audience, ANTM.

As far as I’m concerned, unless next season’s models are complete and utter trainwrecks, or Janice Dickinson comes back, ANTM won’t have a place in my TiVo. Farewell, Tyra. Your insane antics were fun… sorta.

Stylista: I caught another episode of Stylista this past week and can’t help but cheer for Danielle, the girl who got the boot. For those of you vaguely familiar with the show, she was the “visual merchandiser” who brought up her weight all throughout the episode, “It’s All About Who You Know.” I’m all for rockin’ what you’ve got, but IMO, Danielle’s “freak out” when she was forced to pick something from the Elle closet to wear to the party was completely self-inflicted. If you’re unhappy with how you look, or feel uncomfortable, or other people are making you feel uncomfortable, go with the easy alternative– handbags and shoes. Grab and go, and get on with your life. Besides, who doesn’t love a great pair of shoes? 🙂

Weight issues and unnecessary drama aside, if I was Anne, I don’t think I’d hire any of these kids. Well, maybe Johanna. None of them seem to know their way around a layout, let alone a fashion house and it just seems like a death wish. Honestly, when I was in junior high in journalism/yearbook I could pull together a better looking page layout than what these kids are doing, and they supposedly have an “eye for design.”

Give me a break. Stylista just seems like yet another television scam adept at mocking fashion and publishing. Maybe one day someone will come up with a show that actually features smart people who know their shit. Oh wait, that wouldn’t be any fun to watch, and, would be called the real world. Sigh.

Demarchelier/ Glamour Magazine

Britney Spears: Britney Spears has returned. I’m not going to pretend that I don’t adore her, but yay! I’m so happy that Britney at least looks healthy, though in MTV’s recent Brit documentary I couldn’t help but think that there was a special kind of sadness tucked away behind her eyes.

Britney’s team has been on a mad don’t-call-it-a-comeback media-blitz– hitting European media outlets, news magazines, Rolling Stone, and today on her 27th birthday, Britney performed on Good Morning America.

If you didn’t see her “Circus” acts on Good Morning America this morning she’s looking much better, but I hope the high-waisted hot-pants that she’s wearing as a part of her ringleader gettup doesn’t become a trend. Katy Perry already tried, and so did Madonna and thankfully neither of their influences have stretched further than the “costume” category, but Britney tends to have (or had) mass appeal… let’s hope fans opt for the super chic look of Brit Brit on this month’s Glamour instead of the three ring approach.

ANTM: “Good Times & Windmills”

Sigh. Marjorie is gone.

Though I’m saddened by our loss, I’m comforted by the fact that she was totally and completely off her rocker in this last episode, drunk, disorderly, and awkwardly cocky.

What on earth happened to the sheepish and modest girl who we all loved and adored? Clearly all of our positive thoughts, urging her to “come out of her shell” were just a touch too strong and caused her to hit the bottle (and the bath tub with the boys), a bit hard.  

So now we’re down to the final three: McKey, Analeigh, and Samantha (the girl who I literally have to pause to remember the name of). 

I’d be willing to put money on it that the final two will be McKey and Analeigh– Samantha is just too blah to be what Tyra’s looking for, even if she does have the “perfect mouth.” Even when she’s done up, I can’t help but see “soccer mom” and Colgate ad. Whereas Analeigh and McKey just seem so much more versatile. 

Hands down I’m rooting for Analeigh, but I’d also be willing to bet that McKey is going to come out on top. Something just tells me that Tyra and the rest of the judges have a soft spot for the boxer gone model.

I guess we’ll just have to wait and see what next week and the pink runways have to bring.

ANTM: “The Final Five”

Since we’re down to the final five, I figured it’s only fitting to break down each of the remaining models, based on their personality and performance. Each of these assessments are independent of tonight’s episode.

Let’s start with my least favorite: Elina.

Elina, Elina, Elina. Oh, how you remind me of a pseudo Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie. I’m so over your tired antics, your tattooed arms and body, and your cocky ways. If you actually tried, you not only have the potential to be good, BUT, you also might be a little more tolerable. Instead, you mope around and blame your obnoxious tendencies on being European, or a rebel, or expressing yourself, or whatever it is that’s your excuse du jour, and coast through. You should have been gone weeks ago.

But don’t, worry, Elina, i’s not just you that I dislike. I’m also quite over you, McKey, but am much more willing to let your “antics” slide because you have more talent than Elina and are typically less obnoxious. Yes, sometimes your mouth confuses me. It’s just so wide and prominent, and when they slap on red or wine lipstick on you, with your pale skin and your black hair, I just become captivated. And no, in this case, that’s NOT a good thing

And then there’s Samantha, the girl I forget exists. You’re so completely commercial that it’s almost delightful. If the show was based solely on the ability to sell Crest White Strips and jeans, you’d have it in the bag. Sadly for you, it’s not. Most days you sneak by completely unnoticed, and I have a feeling the judges feel the same way I do. Occasionally, you take a kickass photo and that resonates long enough in the viewer or panel member’s mind to keep you around for a phase or two, and you coast by on your mediocre photos and in your mom outfits. But Samantha, my dear, step it up. This might cut it if you wanted to be homecoming queen or if you were pledging a sorority, but you’ve got to find some spunk if you want to pull it out and win.

Ahh, Marjorie. For so long, you were my favorite. You, and your awkward, hunchback ways. Your mousy demeanor was endearing and I was certain we’d get to witness you evolve as a human and as a model. By the end of the season I imagined a glorious, more confident model who had spunk and confidence, and did it with pride. And then there’s reality. In all honesty, Marjorie may have progressed as a model, but it’s only because she learned to embrace her humped back and timid stance. As a person? She’s in the exact same boat as she was week 1 when Mr and Ms J(ay) donned their silver space suits and scared the bejesuses out of all of the models. Marjorie, when you find your confidence, come find fashion, and you’ll go far.

Which leaves us with Analeigh— the girl-next-door beauty who can photograph amazingly well. Sure, she’s had some crappy photos, but the girl can take a critique well. From day one, the team thought that she’d be a sure bet with her ice skating background, but as we learned in last week’s episode, Analeigh said that this typically brings her down. No matter how she finds her stride (no pun intended), I’m glad she does because the girl has spunk. She’s dedicated and cute, and can work it– from both a commercial and a couture perspective. If I was on the panel, she’d be my bet.

And now for the results…

Shocking moment of the night? Elina is 18. The only time the girl has looked 18 is when she screamed.

Kudos of the night are definitely owed to Samantha, who’s photo looked exactly like a Calvin Klein ad campaign. Nicely done.

I’m so glad Elina got the boot… it’s about time. I just hope that Marjorie actually listens to Tyra’s advice, because she was right– she needs to be more confident if she’s ever going to make it in the modeling world.

Stylista: “Hidden Gems”

I’m jumping on the “Stylista” bandwagon a little late (ok, just a week) and my first impressions are “SERIOUSLY?” 

First thoughts after the first 10 minutes:

• Most of these people have horrible personal style– why on earth would they be able to style for a magazine or someone else if they can’t even dress themselves? Those that do have some sense of style appear to be over-processed and “over-glossied.” Fashion is about adding your own personal flavor to your clothes– essentially wearing your personality on your sleeve; clearly no one filled these “stylistas” in. 
• Fashion vocab– seriously, how do you NOT know what a “dart” is and you’re in the fashion world. Just wow. 
• Dressing a mannequin is hard, but leaving one armless? Never an option. 
• Elle closet? Yes please. I’d love if someone (who actually knows their stuff) would come to my house and fill my closet with all of those glorious goodies. 
• This guy who is an “aspiring fashion designer” (Jason)– how do you not know ANY of the fashion elements? ANY? What have they taught you (or not taught you) in fashion school? Ugh. 

Megan is obviously the person who we’re supposed to “love to hate,” but to be honest, right now she can afford to be a little cocky since she seems to be the only person who knows anything about fashion at this point. 

Honestly, where did they find these people? When they hyped the show and said it was from the creators of Project Runway and America’s Next Top Model, it seemed like a shoe-in. Sadly, the casting agents seem to be clueless about fashion themselves. 

I will admit, I did enjoy learning about the “criteria” for an Elle Interiors Story– it’s always great to see the method behind the madness concerning the fashion world, and to know that everything has some sort of formula or inherent value. As far as the rest of the show goes? Slow, boring, and just blah. I found myself getting up and wandering around my house instead of paying attention to what was going on on screen. 

For pete’s sake, there wasn’t even a series of catchy phrases or overly dramatic catfights to really lure me in. The “diva” fight? So lame. “She’s the devil’s spawn. She’s Rosemary’s Baby.” Seriously? How can “reality” TV not get that right and find a way to COMPLETELY over-do the one thing you’re allowed to moderately over-do? It’s hard to believe that a show can be more forced and processed than ANTM, but somehow, Stylista takes the cake. Snooze. 

The only high “drama” point was when Jason (who later is visited by the EMT’s– not a high point– I’m not that mean– I sincerely hoped it was just a panic attack/anxiety attack, I digress,) was complaining about his rash and how he feels uncomfortable, and Ashlie says “you know, they love it when you persevere through that stuff.” Someone has watched her fair share of reality TV. On the bright side, Jason pulled through and sure enough, it was just an anxiety attack.

Moral of the story– I wish I had taken NY Mag’s advice and steered clear of Stylista as it’s definitely a fashion no-no– unless, of course, you’re home sick and have nothing else to watch on your TiVo.

ANTM: “The Fiercee Awards”

We now return to our regularly scheduled program: The Tyra Show: ANTM.

As if the models “learning” tips from Tyra wasn’t enough (and yes, she talked about her eyes… again), Tyra wore a hood/cape for the judging because she was being “theatrical.”

All Tyra-ness aside, I was so happy to see Analeigh and Marjorie step up and, well, model. Both of their shots this week were top notch, and what they needed to stay in the competition. Maybe now, the other girls will recognize them as competition, instead of fawning over the Angelina Jolie look alike, Elina. 

Current models aside, the part of the show that seems to worry me the most is the newest segment, narrated by “noted fashion photographer, Nigel Barker,” “Top Models in Action.” This segment appears as nothing more than a desperate attempt by Tyra and her staff to make past winners relevant.

By reviving the “careers” of the models who flopped, perhaps Tyra is hoping to compel her audience to get of their backsides and demand her models are selected for photos. However, what Tyra and her team fail to realize is that these segments only reiterate the fact that Tyra’s “Top Model” selections turn into flops (exception: Adrienne Curry). Tyra, let’s let sleeping dogs lie, and instead focus on fixing that obnoxious thing you call a personality.

Toccara Jones’ “Top Models in Action” Segment