Posts filed under ‘WB’

ANTM: Planes, Trains and Slow Automobiles

Wow, we’re down to the final 6. How did that happen? Usually by this point there’s an obvious pick for the final two (or three) — but not this season. Perhaps it’s because this season is a touch lackluster, or because the girls all seem to melt into each other as far as their quirks and idiosyncrasies go. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because Tyra has been (passive-agressively) shoving season 10 winner, Whitney, down our throats.

First it was all of the Cover Girl commercials, then it was Whitney showing up at one of the challenges, and now, it’s an entire house in Amsterdam– dedicated totally to Whitney. We get it Tyra. She’s the next version of you. Now stop making me hate her by supersaturating the show with images and clips of her.

Moving on, the girls had a bit of a “lesbian experience” in the tub as soon as they landed in Amsterdam– another awkward filming moment that creates a divisive line between the contestants on the show. Elena continued to bore me as she was unable to “work her look” and ignored Mr. Jay’s help on this week’s shoot. Paulina was right when she said her photo looked like she had scurvy or rickets. She’s gotta find a way to work ALL of her body, not just her eyes and face.

Again, Ms. J was the highpoint of the show, when he took off his pants to save Samantha’s “mom” or “summer interview” outfit. Tyra of course, attempted to save the look, but failed and ended up  making Samantha look like a rumpled mess. Ms. J’s “pants sharing” was utterly fantastic and good for a laugh in a relatively drab episode.

In the end, Elena stuck around and the judges sent home spunky Sheena, the Kimora Lee Simmons lookalike. Farewell, Sheena– hope to see you in the glossies soon!

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October 31, 2008 at 12:16 pm Leave a comment

ANTM: “The Fiercee Awards”

We now return to our regularly scheduled program: The Tyra Show: ANTM.

As if the models “learning” tips from Tyra wasn’t enough (and yes, she talked about her eyes… again), Tyra wore a hood/cape for the judging because she was being “theatrical.”

All Tyra-ness aside, I was so happy to see Analeigh and Marjorie step up and, well, model. Both of their shots this week were top notch, and what they needed to stay in the competition. Maybe now, the other girls will recognize them as competition, instead of fawning over the Angelina Jolie look alike, Elina. 

Current models aside, the part of the show that seems to worry me the most is the newest segment, narrated by “noted fashion photographer, Nigel Barker,” “Top Models in Action.” This segment appears as nothing more than a desperate attempt by Tyra and her staff to make past winners relevant.

By reviving the “careers” of the models who flopped, perhaps Tyra is hoping to compel her audience to get of their backsides and demand her models are selected for photos. However, what Tyra and her team fail to realize is that these segments only reiterate the fact that Tyra’s “Top Model” selections turn into flops (exception: Adrienne Curry). Tyra, let’s let sleeping dogs lie, and instead focus on fixing that obnoxious thing you call a personality.


Toccara Jones’ “Top Models in Action” Segment

October 9, 2008 at 4:11 am Leave a comment

ANTM: “Natural Beauty”

I know we’ve all thought it, but I’m going to say it. What in the heck is wrong with Tyra Banks? Yes, I know she’s full of herself and thinks the world revolves around her, but seriously, how is it possible to progressively become THAT weird and self absorbed? 

America's Next Top Model

As if it wasn’t bad enough that she somehow managed to con Mr. Jay and Ms. J into being “robots” in the season opener (I’m not even going to start on the whole Snow-White-poison-apple-thing), she’s mixing her dose of crazy into every ounce of the show she can. Luckily this week viewers were spared another Tyra acting melodrama, but instead, were forced to watch the “real” Tyra. Somehow, even when Tyra is being “normal” (see: this week’s judge discussion) she manages to be a nutcase. This week, she spoke like she was a vampire and no one seemed to notice. I’m not sure if this speaks more to Tyra, or to the fact that the judges are so conditioned to her whackyness that they’re oblivious to her oddities, but something’s gotta give. 

I can’t help but pity Mr. Jay each time he’s on the show, as Tyra seems to have made it her personal mission to make him look (and dress) like a fool. This week, he was Godzilla. Two weeks ago, a fairy-tale prince. What’s next? Viewers need to see more of the real Mr. Jay, and less of the dramatic monster Tyra’s trying to create. 

Also missing from this (and almost every season)? Ms. J. Give us Ms. J. She’s amazing– from her legs, to her sense of humor, Ms. J is the only real reason why I keep watching, because at least her comments are constructive. Tyra’s? Not so much. How many times can she say “smile with your eyes” and “be pretty when you’re ugly.” My guess is there’s at least one of those gems in each of the remaining episodes this season, but one can only hope the editors cut it out.  

Who am I kidding. The editors aren’t even trying. Rather than trying to make the next two girls in the bottom two a mystery, the editors have become lazy and let you know right off the bat by giving them prime “venting” or “gloating time.”

Clark's Winning Photo from the CW

Case in point? This week. Tonight’s episode opens with Joslyn confides in her sister the fact that she’s worried she’s going to  be in the bottom two because her photos haven’t improved. Pan to cocky Clark, who’s photo last week was picked first. Clark is seen bragging about being “on top” last week and how good it feels. Within the first ten minutes of the show you already know who’s going to be on the chopping block: Joslyn and Clark.

So does it come as a surprise that Tyra and her team decide Clark is just too pretty to be cocky and send her home? Nope. Remember, we only let cocky “ugly” girls (see: Robyn Manning, season 1) stick around till the end. 

Come on, Tyra. Get it together. Bring back Janice Dickinson (sorry Paulina, you just don’t have enough bite) and find some models that actually pack some punch. (I swear, if I hear Marjorie complain about how she’s so timid because she’s French I might scream). We’ve stuck with you this long– don’t completely bail on us now.

October 2, 2008 at 5:03 am 1 comment


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